never not learning to fly

Tears for Fears or Hall and Oates?

theworstthingsforsale:

If you’ve been on the internet for more than thirty seconds in the past year, you’ve probably seen Rachael Ray’s “Late Night Bacon” recipe, which I won’t bother linking, because it just says to microwave bacon on a plate, and you have Google.

Continuing her dominance of the culinary world’s cutting edge is Rachael Ray’s Garbage Bowl, which is a special $20 bowl you’re supposed to buy to put your scraps in. If you peel carrots at the counter, Rachael Ray says to put the shavings in this bowl. I don’t know why. You put scraps in the trash, right? I mean, you personally, as a human being?

Customers who bought this item also bought about 70 other overpriced, unnecessary Rachael Ray-branded items. I didn’t exaggerate when I said 70 other items, either. You gotta click through and look at this enormous load of shit so I don’t spend the whole next week talking about how you don’t need a $20 oil bottle because when you buy the oil it already comes in a fucking bottle.

theworstthingsforsale:

Nutella is readily available in grocery stores across the country, so why you’d need eleven pounds of it in a single giant tub is anyone’s guess. Sure, it’s delicious, like any other combination of sugar and fat, but eleven pounds of Nutella has 27,000 calories. That’s two weeks’ worth of meals. Not two weeks of dinner, but two weeks of your entire caloric consumption, period.

It’s also worth noting that Nutella is only 13% hazelnuts and 7.4% cocoa. The majority of it is sugar and palm oil. If you want an authentic Italian hazelnut spread, Crema Alla Nocciola is 45% hazelnuts. It comes in a seven-ounce tub, too, so if you want to destroy your metabolism with it, you’ll have to suffer the indignity of manually entering a quantity of twenty-five tubs.

theworstthingsforsale:

How many times are you going to bake a beehive cake? How often do you need a beehive cake pan? I know not everyone is a Cake Boss, or Cake Warrior, or Bitch Cake, or whatever the newest cake-based reality show is called, so not everyone can carve a beehive out of a square cake. But you don’t need this pan, regardless.

Purchasing this beehive pan will either turn you into “that beehive cake lady” when you make a beehive cake for every occasion, or “Mr. I Can’t Store Anything In My Cabinet Because My Beehive Cake Pan Takes Up All The Room.”

theworstthingsforsale:

It’s a good thing they made a special LED light to hook to my faucet so I can tell if the water is hot or cold by looking at the light. Before this came along I had to touch the water with my hand, which was really complicated.

theworstthingsforsale:

Speaking of television, you probably already know this, but a $2,000 HDMI cable is exactly as good as a $6 HDMI cable. The audio and video signals it carries are digital and you don’t need complicated shielding or special wire unless you have to thread your cable through a microwave oven on its way from your DVR to your television.

All of this is beside the point that a cable won’t make a shitty movie better.

Anonymous asked: Have you done tumblrdatinggame(.)com yet?

That’s a thing? Oh my goodness, this is a thing, isn’t it?

theworstthingsforsale:

Don’t let the all-caps schizophrenic rambling fool you. This book is a concise, well-written guide to BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO»DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS.

New copies are $132, but there are a surprising number of used copies for the “bargain” price of $49. This suggests to me that the book has been purchased enough times for at least twenty people to read it and say “I wish she would have gone into more detail about *WHEN YOU SUPPORT & PROTECT MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE. WE ARE BRANCHES >JOHN 15 MY WEBSITE:”

theworstthingsforsale:

I love (i.e. don’t love) the fact that in 2012, the entire world still pretends that bongs are filled with tobacco, a portable grinder is for spices, and a portable herb vaporizer is “asthma medicine.” It’s actually the #1-selling item in the “Asthma Medicine” category, as a matter of fact.

There’s evidence, or not, depending on who you talk to, that the right herb might actually relieve asthma symptoms. Unfortunately, searching Amazon for “Do you have some herbs to put in the vaporizer” produced nothing of interest.

theworstthingsforsale:

I live in the middle of Columbus, Ohio, and probably half the people in this town of two million are fans of our college football team. So I don’t think it’s abnormal to be into football. But I do think that if you buy a $3,100 bench signed by some Miami Dolphins,  you’re just going to end up putting it in a spare room and setting stuff on it.

If you’re in the habit of buying sports memorabilia, you’re probably even going to put some signed helmets or balls on this signed bench. You’ll line up your football action figures on top of the landscape of sports equipment and whisper “Let’s go Football, let’s go” and make the action figures do high-fives with each other.

“I can’t get up this football mountain,” Brett Favre shouts up to Ochocinco. “The football is too big and it’s signed by a lot of great players.”

Ochocinco leans over, extending a hand. “I’ll help you up, Brett. We’re Football friends, and that’s the best kind of friends.”